Friday did nothing for most of the day. Walked around in pyjamas and my touque, reading The Books again, did some gardening prep, a little bit of housework, and went to the grocer to prepare for my cocktail party. To date everyone said they're coming! It'll be really great, haven't seen some of these people in a long long time, so it'll be nice. Will also get to intro everyone to everyone else. Glad when that happens. Would rather say "Roxanne" than "my friend Roxanne from back at Carleton who now lives here and is doing an MA in Speech Path." Will have a lot of work to do tomorrow - Going to attempt this jelly desert I saw on Naked Chef (hubba hubba!) Went over to Chris' for dinner. Walked part way, then we had to walk to the grocers too. He made meatloaf (which was actually pretty damn good, and not too tomato-soup-y) with mashed potatoes and corn. Watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back which was fucking hillarious. Was going to rent Zoolander but it was out. Paid my stupid late fees (17$, but they charged me only 5$, I LOVE the MOVIE STUDIO).
Slept over, and we started having big relationship conversations all night. These lapsed into the next day, and I had thought we had fixed everything. It was such an emotional rollercoaster. I get this feeling that I have to be the defender of the relationship whenever we have big conversations about the state fo our relationship. Apparently I don't need to be. Chris has tried to explain that he's not trying to break up with me, but rather address issues as they come up to fix them straight away, not wait until they escalate into major problems. I dig, but my god, I was exhausted from crying and trying to deal yesterday. Finally, once we understood one another, we needed food. He said we could go do whatever I wanted to do. I wanted Dim Sum. Whenever I feel like I've had a rough day, I have an incessant need for Chinese food. So, we went. It was just great. Cheung fan, hawr gow, lo pak kgo, char sui pow, sticky rice, pot stickers, and tempura squid (yucky). So good. It is so nice that he enjoys trying new things, and gets me to try new stuff too. Love that.
After Dim Sum (which he paid for! Nice!) we went and I tried driving his standard car. My god is it difficult. Totally don't understand what to do with the clutch pedal still. Stalled a bunch of times and ground the gears once. That was enough for the day. Plus, his drivers' seat doesn't lift - so it was hard to see the road. Despite being in a parking lot, it was quite stressful.
We then drove to the grocers to buy a ham for Easter supper (tastes like babies), and on the way back, I guess I was put off by the fact that Chris basically said he wasn't going to be taking the level 2 dance class this summer. Argument builds up in my head. When he drops me off at home, I call his house. I get a call back from him about an hour later, and the argument escalates. Very frustrating. Anyhow, after about 2 and a half hours, I think we resolved everything. He will likely take the lesson (unless school, the office, and guitar becomes prohibitively busy this summer). He also explained to me the situation with his friend Trisha. He has no interest in her, wether we're going out or not. And she's not interested in him. I finally understood that it's like how I can still be friends and feel NOTHING romantic to Grant despite me having a big crush on him in September. So, I am finally okay with him being friends with her. Also, now that I understand what ballroom dancing is all about, I'm okay with him asking other kids to dance, and I hope to get to do that too at our big social on the 13th of April.
He also explained to me what our relationship means to him, and how he feels about me when he says "I love you". He told me that he doesn't tell people about stuff that he tells me - I'm very special in that he'll talk to me about his grandmother or knows that he can turn to me whenever he has problems. He knows that I will support him, and wouldn't wrong him. He also said that I am just as important as his family - that was seriously surprising. His family is really tight and very very important to him, and to be placed at the same level is incredibly meaningful. He also said that he considers me a lifelong friend and that I had earned that position simply by being me, I didn't work at it in any way. To him, a wife would be his best friend and someone he can live with and have fun (not want to kill each other). He said he knows that the best friend bit is not a problem at all with me, it's rather that he's concerned about the later (but not the fun bit, that's also a known fact to him). Wow. I knew that he loved me, but I thought that maybe my feelings for him were more intense than his - given that he could restrict his actions etc. when he felt they needed to be.... But apparently, he feels incredibly strongly about me, way more than I ever thought he'd feel... and it's very very good, shocking, but wow. He just feels intensely in a different way - a way that I didn't think was part of romantic love (I thought that could only be in familial or friendly love - not things that I had associated with a boyfriend previously at all!)
Okay. So that was good. Did a bunch of laundry then got a bunch of invitations to go out with friends in the evening. Neil invited me (and others) to go to a movie, Brad was back and invited us to go to drinks, Carmen invited me to go to bowling. It was like "wow, friends!" So we decided that the office kids would all go to drinks at a martini bar. Had a great time there. Then we changed locales and went black-light bowling. Kinda cheesy, but I had a great time. I think we all did. Wore the cutest outfit, RED flood pants, my black jumper over that, black pleather 3/4 trench, and my new RED purse, and mules. Curled my hair up a bit, Wendy loved it. Neil and Wendy were good, Neil told Wendy how he felt about her finally this weekend, not great timing, but at least he got it off his chest. Not sure if anything will come of it, but whatever. Bowling was so much fun. The kids were great. It was also really good to see Neil laughing. He's had a rough time recently, and it was good to see him having fun. I totally was like punk rock about bowling going "YEAH!" and screaming and giving people the devil horn hand signal and stuff. Wicked fun. Chris really liked that I was having such a good time, it totally grooves him.
He stayed over last night, and I gave him his Easter gift at around 1 am. A bunch of stupid gold toe socks and a sourpatch kids egg (what he wanted, don't ask). He was thrilled with the socks. He told me part of my gift yesterday because he was unsure if I'd like it and he was going to get something to add on to it if I did like it - a display stamp of the Chinese Year of the Horse (my year) that he was going to get framed. It was such a sweet and original idea - really really liked that. He should also be getting me my traditional hollow chocolate chicken (can't be anything else!) and I'm thinking he might get me an Easter Lily... he's got a tradition in his home of giving them to his mum and sister, and before, his grandmother - it would be sweet if he did the same for me (proclaiming that I'm an important woman in his life). But even if he doesn't that's okay. He's totally great and I'm so happy with our relationship.
Today, I will TRY to do some work, put away laundry, and get a few more things at the grocers for tonight's meal and tomorrow's cocktail party. But really, I think I'll be eating cajun shrimp in front of the TV, hopefully watching Zoolander on pay per view. Good stuff.
posted by traxis @ 11:17 a.m.
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