traxis on the run

So I didn't get any scholarships. Again. This is the third year of grad studies that I've tried and I officially give up. It just doesn't seem to work - I mean my grades are pretty good I think, I've already got loads of presentations and even a few publications. I don't understand what else they want a student to have. My extra curicular is through the roof - I don't believe that anyone could possibly have more in that area than me, and if they did, at the UofA, I would know them. The people who were listed getting the awards, they're not like that. I don't know.

This is going to be problematic for next year - I don't have enough money. I make about $15K on my TA-ship, of which I have to return about $5 in tuition and other school expenses. That leaves around $800 for rent, and living. I know I could cut back on other expenses, but I'd much rather do extra work to have more money. I just find it very frustrating and unfair that I have to do this when other people are given awards. I do so much volunteer work, and no one ever seems to remember all the exhausting effort I've put into projects, or even their own offices when it comes to giving recognition.

I'm already about $4K in the hole on credit cards, have $2K to pay in taxes, and the only money I have right now is money my parents gave me which isn't even enough to pay half my taxes. I don't like depending on them. I get my two paychecks at the end of the month, I pay off as much as I can of credit card bills, and leave myself a bit of cash for the month, then something happens and I don't have any more of that cash - litterally can't even use a damn bank machine because they only spit out 20s, and then I use my credit cards again to make it to the end of the month. I don't know.

All I freakin wanted was a little scholarship to make things just a little bit easier, and make me WANT to keep doing school. Right now, none of that is happening.

posted by traxis @ 8:00 a.m.