traxis on the run

What I found while spring-cleaning

I found roadkill! The entire archive. And I have been having a great time re-reading the articles.

Here is one of my "fiction" pieces which is just priceless - I recall, I actually dreamt this:

(from Volume 2, Issue 7 - March 1995)

Once upon a time, about 2 weeks ago, Val and Carlen were sitting in Mr. Doyle's OAC History class and there was a knocking on the door. Chris Campbel, being the polite gentleman that he was, got up and answered the door. Low and behold it was HENRY ROLLINS! He was touring Canada to promote his 52nd poetry book and noted that Ottawa was where the BFI was located. He was really pissed off about the letter that V., C., and E. sent, so he was going to pound the crap out of them. Luckily, E. was in Panama, eating, so she was safe. C. and V. let out a shudder as they saw the HUGE tattooed moose-man come towards them holding a crowbar and a weedwhacker in his hands. It was the end to V. and C., if it weren't for a brave soul... Dave King jumped between the two groups wearing a navy blue, plastic cape and eating a red tootsie-pop. "Hold it right there, you punk!" he said with great dignity, "Why are you going to harm these two young women?" his voice was remarkably clear and deep. Henry responded in a low growling voice "They freaked the hell out of me! Them and their stupid letters!" A sudden expression of true belonging came across Dave King's face; "I understand! I UNDERSTAND! They did it to me too! Especially that crazy E. girl! Why does she want me to sing 'Zombie' to her? Why? Why!? WHY!?!?" Henry put his arm around Dave King's shoulder. He notes that the cape is kinda sticky. He wipes his arm off on Dave's shirt sleeve. Mr. Doyle comes out from the crowd of students who had ran to the back of the class in fear. "Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid you are going to have to leave. You are endangering our lives plus you are disrupting my class on Metternich and the Carlsbad Decrees." Henry looked up, interested; "Metternich? Censorship?" he walked to the front of the class dropping Dave King who was crying on his shoulder. "Why, I am a researched and published writer about censorship!" Doyle taped his foot impatiently; "Well that's all good and well, but you must leave no!" he pointed to the door. He suddenly strikingly resembled Napoleon in Louis David's painting from the text book. Henry looked annoyed and turned out of the class, "You are all going to regret this, you fools, you could have had a truly interesting discusion about censorship, but noooooo, you have to go and throw me out of here, well, I put this curse upon you all! May all your children have joining eyebrows!" Dan Kitts fainted. Henry made an extravagant exit and slammed the door close. Doyle moved to the front of the class, steppling over Dave King who was still withering on the floor and wrote the 3 questions due for the next day.


So funny.

posted by traxis @ 8:25 p.m.